


Comparison Shopping

by La_Pacifidora



Series: My Milady/Milord Ficcy Friday Responses [1]
Category: Community (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-05
Updated: 2014-02-05
Packaged: 2018-01-11 06:01:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1169549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/La_Pacifidora/pseuds/La_Pacifidora
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jeff Winger was many things: Exceptionally smart, remarkably charming, terribly clever and - most recently - inexplicably homeless.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Comparison Shopping

**Author's Note:**

> Set post-“Home Economics” and pre-“Debate 109.” Originally posted to [Milady/Milord, on LJ,](http://milady-milord.livejournal.com/152101.html#cutid1) in July 2010. Prompted by 0penhearts for 'grocery shopping.' Un-beta'd.
> 
> Disclaimer: Greendale doesn't belong to me; it belongs to all of us. But only a very select few of us make any money from it. I'm not one of those select few.

Jeff Winger was many things: Exceptionally smart, remarkably charming, terribly clever and - most recently - inexplicably homeless.

One thing he was not - or least had not been until he'd allowed the bizarre people in his Spanish study group to start to work their way under his skin - was a soft touch.

Consequently, he wasn't totally sure why he had allowed Annie to talk him into letting her help him look for an apartment. (Granted, thanks to her help, it had taken him less than two weeks to find a place - and she'd used a mix of her formidable face and her Disney princess eyes on the landlord, getting him $200 off his first month's rent.)

And he was completely uncertain why he'd agreed to let Annie help him go grocery shopping, after he'd come into study group one day, complaining about the cost of a gallon of milk and wondering why granola bars only came in boxes of four or six. 

("There are _five_ days in a week! I either end up with too few or too many."

"Just do what I do, Jeffrey, my boy: Open up another box, take one out of that and stick it in with the box you're buying."

"Pierce! That's illegal."

"Only if you get caught, Brittles, _only_ if you get caught.")

So, when Annie had turned those doe eyes on him and offered to help him with his grocery shopping, Jeff had been just desperate enough - for the help and to stave off any reappearance of her tears - to agree.

But why he'd agreed to show up at the local Safeway at 8 a.m. on a Saturday morning - when any normal, sane, non-Annie-Edison person (namely, him) - Jeff couldn't say. He leaned against his driver side door and sipped at his coffee (made at home and in a travel coffee cup he'd dug out of an old box - sadly, daily trips to Starbucks had gone the way of his beautiful granite kitchen countertops and $50 dinners).

"Jeff!" Annie came trotting toward him across the parking lot, clutching a rather large tote bag to her side.

"Edison." Jeff too a sip of his coffee, grimacing as much from its generic taste as from the brightness of her greeting: No one should be this awake this early in the morning. "Explain to me again why we had to meet this early? Why couldn't we go shopping at a more reasonable time of day - like, say, between 3 and 5 p.m.?"

" _Jeff._ We have a lot to do today, and if you shop early, you're guaranteed fresh produce and everything will still be where it's supposed to be and not picked over." Annie shook her head and pulled a notebook from her tote. "Now, I don't know what you normally buy, but I've set this up as your list for today with sections for dairy, frozen and canned goods, as well as fresh produce, cleaning supplies and miscellaneous."

Jeff's hand with his travel mug hovered in front of his face as he gaped at Annie. He finally managed to reestablish the link between his brain and his mouth. " _What_?"

Annie smiled brilliantly at him. "Well, if you organize your shopping list by section, you won't spend hours and hours wandering the aisles, trying to remember what you do and don't need. And I thought we could write in your list as we go through, so in future you'll know what you normally buy." She flipped open to the first page of the notebook and pointed at the page as she spoke. "Now, I also added columns for you to mark if you have coupons for anything, how many items the coupon is good for, as well as columns for if you want to compare prices between stores. For most things, that won't be necessary, but I find it's useful for when you're buying economy size or gourmet-"

"Annie. I _have_ gone grocery shopping before. I _am_ an adult, after all." Jeff's eye twitched as he felt a twinge behind his eyebrow and he took a sip of his coffee, absently wondering why he was getting a caffeine-deprivation headache when he was working on his second cup of the day. 

Annie stared at him primly. "I think that assertion is debatable." She frowned a little, the corners of her mouth turning down as a little crease formed between her brows. "Besides, _you_ said you wanted my help. _This_ is me helping. See?" She pointed at her face, which lost the frown but kept the knit brow. "Do you know what this is? This is my helping face. You do _not_ resist the helping face."

Jeff sighed and shrugged. "Whatever you say, Edison."

Annie nodded and started toward the grocery store's front doors. "C'mon, Jeff! The early shopper gets the unwilted lettuce!"

Jeff pushed off from his car and slouched after her. "I don't just need an immunity to her: I need a _vaccine_."  
***  
Once inside the store, Annie pulled on a shopping cart as Jeff stood by, watching her.

"What are you doing?"

Annie paused in her struggle with the cart, glancing at him over her shoulder. "I'm getting you a shopping cart, silly."

Jeff shook off the thought that Annie looked distressingly like a 40s pinup girl looking at him that way and focused instead on the stack of shopping baskets to his left. "Why don't we just grab one of these?"

Annie gasped, her eyes growing wide. "Jeff. You'll save more time and money in the long run if you do all your shopping at once, rather than only picking up what you need as you realize you need it." She shook her head, and Jeff almost expected her to wag a finger at him. "It's all about planning and being prepared."

Jeff looked bemused but stepped up next to her, handing her his coffee mug and pulling a car free in one tug. Annie handed his mug back to him, placing her tote in the child seat of the cart and heading toward the produce section. Jeff followed at a sedate pace, wincing as an employee wheeled a cart of cereal down a far aisle, the squealing of the casters reverberating around the still mostly empty store.

"Lead on, MacDuff."  
***  
"What kind of fruit do you eat?"

"I'm not really a fruit kind of guy."

"You're not?"

"No. I'm more a 'fruit you talk to a business gathering' than a 'fruit you buy and eat' person."

" _Jeff_. That's politically incorrect. And fruit is good for you!"

"I don't know. What kind of fruit do you like?"

"I like navel oranges, but their season just ended. So, I suppose you could go with clementines.”

“OK.” Jeff looked at the bins in front of him, then turned to Annie. “And those would be?”

Annie rolled her eyes and stepped to the far end, picking up a small crate with neon orange netting over the top. “ _These_ are clementines.” She put them in the cart and turned to face Jeff. “Isn’t there any fruit you like?”

Jeff shrugged. “I don’t know. Jus-just pick whatever _you’d_ buy, I guess. I’ll eat it if it’s there.” He started to wander toward a display for flavored water. 

“I don’t suppose it’s worth asking what vegetables you’d normally buy?” Annie sighed when Jeff glanced back at her with a grimace. “That’s what I thought.” She shook her head and headed toward the wall of greens. From the corner of her eye, she saw Jeff change course and head toward a display of chocolates. “And don’t even _think_ about buying any of that candy.”  
***  
“OK. Cereal is done.”

“ _Jeffrey Winger_! You cannot buy six boxes of Cocoa Pebbles.”

“Why not?” Jeff’s tone was plaintive and grating.

“Because you’ll rot your teeth.” Annie reached for a box of Total.

“But this tastes _good_.” Jeff’s frown deepened as he saw what she was reaching for. “No. I absolutely refuse to eat that.”

“Jeff, a high-fiber, low-sugar cereal like Total is a key part of a balanced diet.” She eyed him, deciding a little lie couldn’t hurt. “Besides, laying off junky cereal wouldn’t be the end of the world for you.”

“ _Annie_!” She had to bit the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling at the high-pitch of Jeff’s voice and the affronted gasp as his hand flew to his flat stomach. “ _How_ could you say such a thing?” He picked up the boxes of chocolate cereal and set them back on the shelf, ignoring Annie’s glare as he stuffed them in amongst boxes of Cheerios and Frosted Flakes. “I refuse to eat Total because it tastes like cardboard. But I am willing to consider a compromise.” He stepped farther down the aisle and pulled a box of Frosted Mini Wheats, holding it up as he turned to her. “Well?”

Annie sighed. “I suppose that would be okay.”

“Thanks, Mom.” Jeff strode to the cart and dropped the box on the slowly growing pile of food. Annie pushed him out of the way and set about reorganizing the cart.

“Don’t call me that.”

“Whatever.”  
***  
“What are your thoughts on meat?”

“Why, Annie. Aren’t you going to buy me dinner first?”

“ _Jeff_. Be serious.”

“Um. I don’t know: New York strip steak?”

“Do you know how much that costs?”

“No.”

“Go take a look.”

“Holy sh- Uh. What are my options in frozen foods?”  
***  
“Jeff. Put the ice cream back.”

“But _Annie_ -”

“Jeff. You’re on a _budget _. Ice cream is a luxury.”__

__“But I _want_ ice cream.”_ _

__“As my Aunt Tzippy used to tell my cousin Ermine, ‘little boys who want don’t get.’”_ _

__“Edison. I’m a grown adult.”_ _

__“All evidence to the contrary.”_ _

__“Mean.”_ _

__Annie sighed as her head dropped back and she stared at the industrial lights overhead. “What about store brand?”_ _

__“It doesn’t taste as good.”_ _

__“But it _does_ fit in your budget.”_ _

__“Ugh. Fine.”  
***  
“I don’t like soup.”_ _

__“Soup is a smart and economical way to stretch your money. You can make a can, eat half of it with a sandwich and put the other half in the fridge for later.”_ _

__“You’re assuming I have something to put it in.”_ _

__“You don’t?”_ _

__“Annie: Do I strike you as the type to have Tupperware?”_ _

__“Oh.” Annie craned her neck to look over the tops of the shelves on either side._ _

__“What are you looking for?”_ _

__“Kitchen goods. Clearly this is going to take more work than I thought.”_ _

__“You make me sound hopeless.” Jeff looked after Annie as she rolled the cart away. “Annie? Wait, Annie? Hey!”  
***  
“Why’d you bring so many bags?”_ _

__“They give you a discount when you don’t use paper or plastic.” Annie frowned at him as she handed him items from the cart. “ _When_ was the last time you went grocery shopping?”_ _

__“Um. A while?” Jeff turned back to the belt. “So, how much of a discount?”  
***  
“Well.” Jeff loaded the last of the bags into his trunk and glanced at his watch. It was difficult to believe his torture had only lasted about two hours. “Thank you, Annie.”_ _

__“You’re welcome.” Annie took a look at the notebook before she snapped it shut and met his gaze. “Do you want to drop this stuff off at your apartment first or do you want to head over to the warehouse store?”_ _

__“ _What_?”_ _

__“Well, there’s items you asked about that you’d get a better deal on if you bought them in bulk instead of just buying a family size package here.” She shrugged. “And my parents bought me a membership to this place, so-”_ _

__“You want me to do _more_ shopping?”_ _

__“Jeff. You make it sound like I’m asking for a kidney. We’ll go, and it’ll take no time at all, you’ll see.”_ _

__Jeff looked at Annie as she rounded the side of his car and stood expectantly by the passenger door, waiting for him to unlock it._ _

__“Oh. God.”  
***  
“Why don’t you get that box of crackers?”_ _

__“Edison, there’s no way I’ll go through that many saltines by the next time I need to go shopping.”_ _

__“You don’t have to eat all of them, Jeff. You can take out what you will use and put the others in a cupboard for later.”_ _

__“Oh.”_ _

__“That didn’t occur to you?”_ _

__“Uh. No?”_ _

__“And you say you were smart enough to lie your way into being a lawyer?”_ _

__“I would’ve thought of that.” Jeff glanced away and, if Annie hadn’t known better, she’d have said he looked bashful. “Eventually.”  
***  
“OK. Do you want the chewy or the crunchy granola- Jeff. What are you eating?”_ _

__“Mmmff mmpfles.”_ _

__“What?” Annie watched as Jeff swallowed._ _

__“Free samples.”_ _

__“If you keep eating samples, you’re going to ruin your appetite.”_ _

__“But they’re _free samples_ , Edison. And it’s stuff I’d never buy myself.”_ _

__“Like what?”_ _

__“Tapenade. Chicken sausage. Apples.”_ _

__“Jeff. You bought apples at Safeway.”_ _

__“I did?”  
***  
“Jeff. What do you need two economy size bottles of aspirin for?”_ _

__“One is for today. The other is for daily use while I’m at Greendale.”_ _

__“It’s not _that_ bad, is it?”_ _

__Jeff exhaled loudly. “No. I suppose I can’t complain: I _did_ lie about my degree, so Greendale was sort of unavoidable.” He looked over, noticing that Annie’s gaze had dropped to the notebook and that she was frowning._ _

__“Actually, I meant is today that bad?”_ _

__“Oh.” Jeff looked at Annie thoughtfully, but didn’t speak for several long minutes._ _

__“I see.” Annie nodded and headed off down the aisle toward the freezer units. Jeff, in a rare moment of empathy, realized how his lack of response might seem._ _

__“Edison? Hey. Annie? Wait up.”  
***  
“You should probably separate the pork chops into their own bags.” Annie set the last insulated bag down on Jeff’s counter and took a step toward the kitchen doorway._ _

__“Why?”_ _

__“If you stick the entire flat in your freezer, they’ll all freeze together, and then you’ll either have to defrost all of them and eat them; or try and break one off the block when you decide you want one.” Annie took another step toward the front door. “I’ll just leave the notebook here,” she placed it on top of a bookcase, “and I guess I’ll see you on Monday.”_ _

__“ _Annie_.” Jeff’s tone was cajoling, but she took another step away._ _

__“Yes?”_ _

__“Look.” He ran a hand over the back of his head, scratching his scalp while his other hand held on to the counter. (Jeff needed to brace himself if he was going to admit to making a mistake.) “You were a huge help today with the shopping, but I have no idea what to do with half this stuff.” He gestured to the bags covering his counters and the boxes on the floor. “I was hoping you could help me put this stuff away? I know how good you are at organizing, well, practically everything.”_ _

__“I don’t want to intrude on your weekend anymore than I already have.” Annie tried for a friendly smile, but it fell short and she stumbled against the wall as she continued to back toward the door._ _

__“You wouldn’t be.” Jeff watched her go and felt the same twinge from before behind his left eye. “Annie. C’mon. If you leave, I’ll probably just end up giving myself salmonella or something.”_ _

__Annie paused in her retreat. “How would you do that?”_ _

__“I don’t know. But there’s probably a reason why my mom never asked me to help with the cooking.”_ _

__“You mean you don’t know how to cook?” Annie’s mouth quirked into a wry smile._ _

__“I do!” Jeff leaned forward, trying for an ingratiating smile. “I know how to boil water. And I know how to turn the oven on and set the timer for a frozen pizza.” His smile faded when Annie continued to stare at him. “What? I had an expense account. And it’s not like a take’n’bake pizza is going to impress the ladies.”_ _

__Annie sighed and walked back toward the kitchen, putting her purse on top of the notebook she’d put down earlier._ _

__“Those don’t sound like women worth impressing.” She clapped her hands and moved to start pulling items out of a bag, pointedly ignoring Jeff’s surprised expression. “OK. So, if you’ll find the box of freezer zip bags, we can separate the meat. And then we’ll need to organize your fridge so everything will fit.”_ _

__“Edison, there’s nothing _in_ my fridge, so I don’t think that’s going to be a problem.” Jeff smiled at Annie, who grinned back and started handing him cans of soup. Jeff turned and started putting them into a cupboard, looking back over his shoulder at Annie, who’d knelt by one of the boxes on the floor. “I suppose I’m going to owe you one after this.”_ _

__Annie turned to look at him, her eyes wide and a soft smile on her lips; Jeff considered he may have spoken too soon._ _

__“I hope you know I’m going to hold you to that.”_ _


End file.
